Rum Cake
by May Solo
Summary: Mara and Leia attempt to bake... with hilarious consequences! hahaha! (please review)


Disclaimer: Yep. You guessed it. I'm still poor. I still don't own these wonderful creations of George Lucas. Oh, Woe is Me!!  
A great-big huge thank you to all my readers, and reviewers. I wouldn't keep writing this stuff without you. Really. ^sniffle^ "And I... will always love you! I will always love You!"  
This is also dedicated to those wonderful Brits, the Monty Python guys. Where would we be without Python?  
Now on to my story!  
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"Leia, what are you doing?" Mara Jade Skywalker asked of her sister-in-law, Leia Organa Solo. Leia was in her home's kitchen, collecting all sorts of things. She had gathered on the counter a mixer, a bowl, a pan, and various other cookware.  
  
"I'm just trying out this recipe that I got out of a book. It's supposed to be really good." Leia replied.  
  
"Oh my god... call the newsgrids... Leia's cooking!!!" Mara joked, and Leia threw a spoon at her.   
  
"Shut up! Why does everybody always make fun of my cooking?" asked Leia, not really expecting an answer.  
  
"Let me put it this way." Mara said. "Remember that time you had us over for dinner, and you made spaghetti?" Leia nodded. "Remember how it was long and stiff? And cold?"   
  
Leia nodded again. "What are you trying to say?" she asked.  
  
"Well, Leia chere... last time I checked, spaghetti was supposed to be hot and limp. And the sauce isn't supposed to be pink." Mara answered, grinning.  
  
"You can't blame me for trying, it's not like I had time to practise or anything!" Leia exclaimed. "You aren't any better than I am." she said.  
  
"Leave me out of it." Mara said.   
  
Leia laughed. "Get over here and help me." she said.  
  
Mara went over to an open book lying on the counter and began reading aloud. "One cup sugar... one egg... one-half cup milk... one-half cup cocoa... one cup Corellian whiskey... What are you making?"  
  
"Rum cake. Supposed to be really good." she answered.  
  
"Any reason why?" Mara asked, as she sampled the rum and offered it to Leia.  
  
"Nope. Just felt like cooking for once." Leia said, accepting the bottle and taking a swig. "Mmm! That's good stuff!" she said.  
  
"Really. Do you think it might be just a touch too strong for a cake, though?" Mara asked.   
  
"Naw, the alcohol evaporates. It might be too bitter though." said Leia.   
  
Mara nodded. "Got anything else?" she asked.  
  
"Yeah, up here." Leia reached up and opened a cabinet above the counter, revealing several bottles of liquor. She selected a bottle of wine, pulled the cork out, and drank it. She smiled. "Sweet." Leia said, handing it to Mara.  
  
Mara took a drink. "Yeah, too sweet." Mara reached up and got another half-full bottle of Corellian Rum. She took a drink. "That's the stuff." she said, offering it to Leia.  
  
"Yeah, let's-hic!-use that." Leia answered, blushing.   
  
Mara took another swig. "What else do we need?" she asked.  
  
"Uh.. hic!- one-half cup oil, one-quarter-hic!- teaspoon salt, and a bunch of other stuff." Leia said. She picked up the bottle of Rum and took another drink.   
  
"Kay." Mara picked up the measuring cup and began measuring sugar, spilling more than she caught in the cup. Leia erupted in giggles between sips of rum.   
  
"God Mara! Here let me do it." Leia said, taking the sugar and cup. She spilled the entire contents of the sugar bowl on the counter. "Oh what the hell." she said, wiping the counter off into the mixing bowl.  
  
Mara laughed, and took another drink-- only to find the bottle empty. "Leia! You drank it all, you loser!" she laughed, and grabbed another bottle from the cabinet.   
  
"One egg." Leia read. "Do you think one will be enough, Mar?" she asked, taking a drink of the new bottle.  
  
"Naw, better do two."   
  
"Kay." Leia removed six eggs from the refrigerator and threw them into the bowl without bothering to crack them. "What next?"  
  
"One-two cup milk." Mara said, taking a swig.  
  
"One-two cup milk...-hic!- one-two cup milk." Leia went to the refrigerator and took out the milk jug and poured the whole thing into the bowl. Bits of egg ran over the top and spilled on the counter. Leia laughed.  
  
"I think we need another bowl." Mara said, grabbing a larger bowl from a cabinet. Leia poured the contents into the new bowl.   
  
"Kay. What next?" Leia asked.   
  
"One-two cup cocoa." said Mara. She took a drink of rum, and then dumped the entire can of cocoa into the mixture.  
  
Leia laughed. "What next?"  
  
"The good stuff!!!" she shouted.  
  
"The good stuff!!!" Leia echoed, and held the bottle over the bowl. The contents splashed and landed all over the counter, the floor, the cabinets, anywhere a liquid could land.  
  
They giggled. Leia tossed the now-empty bottle of rum into the trash. She missed, and the bottle struck the wall.   
  
"Now for the oil." Leia said as she poured the oil into the bowl.   
  
"What now?" Mara asked as she removed another bottle of liquor from the cabinet.   
  
"Salt. Do you think we really need salt?" Leia asked. Mara shook her head.   
  
"Naw, it just makes it taste bad. What else?"   
  
"Baking Soda."  
  
"Baking Soda? Let's skip that too. Next?" asked Mara.  
  
Leia took a long drink of rum. "Vanilla." she answered.  
  
Mara crossed the kitchen to the refrigerator and removed a small box of vanilla ice cream and dumped it into the bowl. More off the milk/egg/rum/ice cream goo sloshed over the edge onto the floor. Mara took a drink. "Now?"  
  
"Flour!" Leia laughed. "Get it? It's said flower, but it's flour!" She fell out of her chair and rolled on the floor laughing. "Get it?"  
  
"Yeah, real funny." Mara grabbed the roses sitting in a vase on the table and threw them in the goop. "Now?"  
  
"Water. HOT water. It's gotta be real hot." Leia answered.   
  
"Screw it. Gimme the bottle." Mara said and grabbed the bottle from Leia. She took a long drink, and then poured the rest in the mixing bowl.   
  
Leia climbed off the floor. She took the mixer and plugged it in. Mara placed the bowl on the turntable, and Leia switched on the mixer.  
  
Goop splattered everywhere, covering everything. After five minutes Leia turned the mixer off. The goop had turned brownish and smelled. It spilled over the edges of the bowl. The entire kitchen was coated in cake batter. Leia and Mara poured the stuff into a pan. The pan wasn't quite deep enough.   
  
"Now. What else?" Mara asked.  
  
"Might as well cook dinner also. Let's do it all at once!" Leia said.   
  
"That's a good idea." said Mara. Leia skated across the goop-covered floor and pulled some biscuts out of the refrigerator. She opened the roll and peeled apart the biscuts, and placed them on top of the cake. Sliding back over to the table, she picked up the bottle and took a drink.   
  
Mara took the bottle from Leia and took another swig. She closed her eyes and savored the rum, and then began to sing off-key.   
  
Leia bolted across the kitchen, slipped in some batter, and fell to the floor, pulling Mara down with her. She slapped her hand across Mara's mouth, silencing her.  
  
"Shut up! God! You sing like Han does in the shower!" Leia said, laughing her head off.  
  
"Oh my God! He sings in the shower? That is soo funny!" Mara exploded in laughter.  
  
"Yeah, but he doesn't even do it right! He kinda warbles--- AhuhUAHhuhUhay..." She imitated, causing Mara to laugh so hard she cried.   
  
Mara, still laughing, grabbed the counter and pulled herself off the floor. "C'mon, Leia, get up! We gotta put this in the freakin' oven!"   
  
"Here." Leia said, pulling open the dishwasher. Mara shoved the cake in, and Leia shut the door. "We gotta set the timer now." she said.  
  
Mara set the oven timer to 3 hours. She took another huge drink of rum.  
  
Leia slapped the palm of her hand to her forehead. "Ugh! I forgot to put the turkey in!" she shouted. She skated to the refrigerator and pulled out a large, completely frozen turkey.   
  
"Leia, we can't put THAT in with the Cake! Gees!" Mara started laughing again.   
  
"You're right. Here, let's put it in the microwave." Leia said. She stuffed the entire turkey into the microwave. "How long should I cook it for?"  
  
"Try... oh I dunno. Put it at 20 hours."   
  
"Honestly, Mar, it doesn't go to 20 hours. It only goes to 60 minutes!" Leia started laughing again.  
  
"Well then do it at that." Mara said, sitting down at the table and taking another drink of rum.  
  
Leia set the timer, and the microwave roared to life. She then sat down at the table with Mara. She started laughing again.  
  
"What the hell are you laughing at?" Mara asked.  
  
Leia grabbed the bottle. "You! You are covered in brown crap!" She started laughing again, and took a drink.   
  
"Gimme that. You're all dirty too. You look like hell." Mara grabbed the bottle from Leia.  
  
Just then the door opened and Han came in.  
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Han couldn't believe his eyes. His wife and sister-in-law sat in the kitchen, laughing insanely loud. The kitchen was covered in brown goop. The microwave was running, the oven was on, and the roses he'd given Leia yesterday were not in their vase.   
  
"Hi Han!" Leia yelled. She jumped up from her chair to give him a hug, but slipped on the goop-covered floor and fell. She cracked up again.   
  
"Leia, you are so stupid!" Mara said. Leia grabbed the leg of her chair and pulled it over. Mara went tumbling onto the floor.   
  
"Stupid yourself!" Leia said.   
  
"What is going on here?" Han demanded.  
  
"We're cooking!" Mara yelled.  
  
"Yeah, sure you are. Come on." he said, picking them both off the floor.   
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The next morning Leia surveyed the damage to her kitchen.   
  
Brown goop was everywhere. The microwave door had blown off when the turkey exploded. Turkey adorned the walls to match the goop. The floor was covered in a sticky mixture of goop, turkey, milk, and egg. Bottles of rum littered the kitchen.   
  
"I can't believe we did that." she said to Han. He laughed.  
  
"You realise the oven is still on?" he said to her.  
  
Leia put her hand to her mouth. "Oh my god! The cake!" Han went to the oven and opened the door. He looked inside, then to Leia, then back inside.  
  
"Uh, Leia... where's the cake?"  
  
"Isn't it in there?"  
  
"Uh, not really, no."  
  
"I don't know where else..." She gasped. "Don't look in the dishwasher!"  
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Okay. Cool. Please review! please? I beg you? Thank you! 


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